If the relationships in a family are based on good feelings, it doesn’t mean that those families would never have conflicts. However, the general environment of those families remains pleasant most of the times.
The easiest way to improve emotional level on familial basis is to give more compliments to the kids. The general rule should be to give five positive compliments against one negative comment. This five-to-one ratio overcomes the bad impact which would get created as a result of negative comment.
In the families where environment is not healthy, it is generally found that this ratio is reversed, i.e. five negative comments against one positive compliment. Such culture can only make the environment more and more toxic.
Looking at where your family stands
If you want to look at the position of your family on this ratio scale, you first have to look at the general reaction of your family members to the comments made by kids. Some families react too much, ending up on having a familial conflict in which all the family members point at each other and, more specifically, at the kids. These practices can reduce the good feelings and make the environment tenser.
Here are some ideas to improve the complement to criticism ratio in effective way.
- Everyone should work individually to increase the instances of expression of affirmation and appreciation.
- Check the number of good feeling killers that you say to your kids. If it is difficult for you to say the good thing, it would be better not to criticize under the bad feelings.
- Instead of criticizing children for the negative language they use, make them aware of it.
- Always try to say the positive thing immediately if you have said something negative.
These are the points you can take into consideration to make good start. From there, you can aim at making this ratio five-to-one. For this purpose, you need to be affectionate and a compassionate talker. Upon getting this ratio improved, you will see your children following the same culture.
When it comes to criticizing, make sure that you keep it very limited. Constant criticism can destroy the environment of family. Therefore, when you talk to your kids in order to tell them about the wrong things they would have done, it would be good to use “I” instead of “us” or “them”. For example, you can say, “I am really shocked to hear what you just said boy!”
One fact worth mentioning here is that children usually want to make their adults happy. So, it could be quite mind-changing practice to look at their intentions only. Upon seeing the positive things they do, you positive compliment and encouragement would give them the necessary fuel to stay happy and disciplined in the family.
These are some of the suggestions that you can consider for bringing positive change in the family. Remember, it’s you who have to initiate this culture to create better environment in which everyone would have good feelings towards each other.